Whatever to do?

Last night I dreamt I was walking around in public without clothes - I haven't had one of those dreams since school! I don't think I was very bothered about passer-by's opinions this time, I just wanted somewhere private to take a piss.

Well, I woke up from this at 3am - anguished - and for the next few hours lay in bed wondering what the hell was up.

In my grog I think I decided there was some secret corner of me that I'd never shared with anyone and that all I needed was someone to trust with it, and that thence onwards my life would be complete, and where is this person as I'm fed up of waking up in semi-drunken sweats?

My sober self congratulates the sleepy psychoanalyst - but can I have some practical tips next time?

For example, what do I do about Blonde Brainbox (the only girl I've properly fancied since the Big One), who recently - five months after our crazy one-night stand - texted me with a mildly suggestive reference to the hairbands she left behind, and subsequently agreed to meet for a drink some time after her exams finished (on the 14th - today!)?

What is with her? She hardly even replied when I emailed her a specially-composed comic-romantic ballad on Valentine's Day - except to say "that was the nicest email to receive". OK so you think I'm merely sweet, fine... but then why are you texting me now?

My yen for self-destruction means we will inevitably meet for a drink at some stage, her permitting, and should it go badly this page will bear a full report.