La France

Without even a road map angry Best Pal and I roared down to Amiens – appropriately crossing the Somme for a night of heinous destruction.

“Ils ont commande une bouteille de rouge et puis… immediatement… un grand pichet de blanc!” our nervous waiter reported to his colleague as we installed ourselves on a table overlooking the river into which, 5 hours later, I would be vomiting like a first-year student.

We eventually staggered home at 2ish (via a random Of Montreal gig) bellowing tunes from the Nutcracker across the sleeping town. Classic Brits Abroad.

Next day we headed to Lille where our hotel had a most charming old-fashioned wooden lift. In a bid to amuse ourselves at the expense of the surly proprietor – who clearly thought we were unwelcome bottomistes – BP struck camp poses in this lift while I snapped him at various angles with my phone. The Gallic tut this prompted from M. le Patron was pretty special.

And then back in time for flatmate’s gig in Camden last night. Not at all the head-clearing break I needed, but neanmoins un plaisir!

Plenty more gags to report from the weekend but will have to wait till I've recovered.

Niceness

After an office lunch yesterday a bubbly European translator emails round some photos she's taken at the restaurant.

Me: "Good ones those..."

She: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, see ?! You are actually very photogenic [smiley] I’m glad you like these pics as I actually got some comments from people who are not happy with the way they look"

Me: "ah - was thinking from a humorous perspective rather than aesthetic!"

She:"Really?! Well I think they are aesthetically good [smiley] Hehe !!"

Me: "Ha ok very kind..!"

She: "Very kind ?! Very kind ?! … I’m not being kind!!! Just objective [smiley] … 110%"

Pottiness aside, she's very sweet, if boys can use that condemnatory word. For example she couldn't understand why I was gloomy the other week (it was bog-standard black dog) so she assumed it was related to the foreign departure of my sister for the summer, something I'd briefly mentioned. I had days of concern and reassurance ("you can go and visit her soon"; "have you heard from her"; "I know what it's like being away from family" etc) and I hadn't the heart to say my sister's trip was no big deal.

I could never get seriously involved with someone so nice and uncomplicated. Give me complex AND clever AND good.

So to France tomorrow on a last minute mini-mission with chum - I can smell a particular escargot broth already.

Nigerian Lagers

Overheard in the pub:

"Can I have four Nigerian lagers and a glass of red wine ta love"

[...]

"Oi what you doing pouring Carlsberg, I said Nigerian lagers - that's Guinness, he he!"

!!

RE:FW: Help find Madeleine

thanks - i hadn't even heard about this.

yeah just thinking about it i nipped over to portugal the other day for an after-work jog in the mark warner praia de luz complex and there was this old chap with a lop-sided toupee...

i didn't think anything of it at the time but... oh. geez if you hadn't forwarded this to me!

Drink-recover; rpt x 2

Friday night's party was not a houseparty after all: just another City bar piss-up. A nice-looking girl showed affection for a while but male politics stopped play.

Saturday's innocence-restorer: making elderflower cordial from the neighbouring pub's tree.

Saturday night's party was not in Mayfair after all: it was in Chelsea. After a slow evening we repaired to one of those Braying Toff places. Very boring until a randy but hmmm lady colleague suggested we shared a taxi home. She saw the panic in my eyes and reflected that we did not actually live in the same part of London.

Sunday's innocence-restorer: Dad's Army best-of DVD. Fraser, Godfrey and Jones dying their hair black - the greatest episode?

Last night was pretty wrong too. Whom I will call Best Pal for the sake of narrative came round and we got smashed over the apparent break up of his 4-year relationship.

Next weekend is earmarked for a renewing trip to the Lake District.

Heathenry over health

Another weekend looms... Like the past few it has been earmarked for a renewing trip to the Lake District; like the past few it will inevitably fall to booze.

Friday night my flatmate's girlfriend's friend is throwing a houseparty which is being sold as ladysome.

Saturday night an office pal is hosting a cocktail party in Mayfair. Mayfair! Not my scene, but this time colleague Rhuna is bringing a friend. "Maybe she is something for you?" was the emailed suggestion...

And hill-walking: sometimes I come back all invigorated, but occasionally it makes no difference. At least the effects of disgraceful alcohol inhalation are mappable in advance - and there's no 5-hour drive.

Crap effort

IT technicienne was back in this morning. I excelled myself.

Pass 1
me: "what's wrong with it this time?"
she: "what's wrong?"
me: "er, with the computer"
she: [smiling sympathetically] "nothing's wrong, nothing at all"


Pass 2 [as she's waiting for the lift]
me: "see you next time"
she: "mm-hmm..."


Rubbish! If only i had a proper excuse to speak to her. Perhaps i shall lobby the boss for a Mac...

Friends in crisis

Me and my best pal have been discussing some of our friends in the pub.

- Jake: last weekend guzzled 15 pills, 2 grams of coke, plus the usual civil drugs. Still having panic attacks.
- Sarah: in tears all week, rages, random disappearances
- Mark: gambling addiction, weed addiction
- Laurie: Trust fund, no motivation, unemployable, depressed
- Stav: No trust fund, no motivation, unemployable, depressed
- Julian: Brain completely gone - drugs
- Steven: lonely
- Joe: depressed
- Dom: lonely, depressed
- Richard: dead - cause unknown

(Names changed.)

I think a modern westerner's happiness rests on three pillars: good friends, an OK occupation/preoccupation and the love of another.

Going through this list of embattled 20-somethings, almost none have (or had, in one case) all three things. Few even have two - surely the minimum long-term requirement. Most just have one, and you can't get by on that forever.

In other news, as they say, I just got an email from a multi-layered girl with whom I've had a strange friendship for the past year or so. It was in verse.

Time for bed.

The Weekend

Friday: Flatmate's gig. Well - a girl tried to get me dancing with her! But she didn't look too good and I straight-batted. Twice this happened, and in front of her complicit friends. I empathised because I embarrass myself in that way frequently. And us male beggars can hardly be choosers, can we?

Saturday: Friend's girlfriend's birthday party. No girls. Declined MDMA in anticipation of ....

Sunday: Early start, walked along the course of the river F1eet, from Highgate to Blackfriars. You can peer down at it from time to time through storm drains. It reaches the Thames beneath Blackfriars Bridge, ignominiously, via a spout.

Monday: Nerded away at my website. Watched This is England - OK if violent.

Service with a blessing

I sent the site over for review.

Blessings
Debbie

----- Original Message -----
From: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
To: info@wisechoice.net
Sent: Sunday, May 06, 2007

Subject: request for site to be blocked

hi can you please block this website: http://in.solit.us/ it's full of pornographic downloads. Thanks xxxxxxxxx (username: xxxxxx)

Explore the seven wonders of the world Learn more!

MySpace as tear-jerker

A guy in a bygone circle of friends died yesterday. He was universally liked, not least by me who only really knew him through drinking.

His MySpace page is now a litany of tributes to which I just added. I hope my comment wasn't too mawkish, I don't think so. Anyway it obligated me to pour a gin and tonic in his name. Not three, necessarily, but I doubt he'd have disapproved.

The "last login" date was shortly before he went, and the first of a flood of messages a couple of days later. A particular cartoon sits beneath his profile picture, making it all rather too much.

Whom the Gods love eh.