La France

Without even a road map angry Best Pal and I roared down to Amiens – appropriately crossing the Somme for a night of heinous destruction.

“Ils ont commande une bouteille de rouge et puis… immediatement… un grand pichet de blanc!” our nervous waiter reported to his colleague as we installed ourselves on a table overlooking the river into which, 5 hours later, I would be vomiting like a first-year student.

We eventually staggered home at 2ish (via a random Of Montreal gig) bellowing tunes from the Nutcracker across the sleeping town. Classic Brits Abroad.

Next day we headed to Lille where our hotel had a most charming old-fashioned wooden lift. In a bid to amuse ourselves at the expense of the surly proprietor – who clearly thought we were unwelcome bottomistes – BP struck camp poses in this lift while I snapped him at various angles with my phone. The Gallic tut this prompted from M. le Patron was pretty special.

And then back in time for flatmate’s gig in Camden last night. Not at all the head-clearing break I needed, but neanmoins un plaisir!

Plenty more gags to report from the weekend but will have to wait till I've recovered.

Niceness

After an office lunch yesterday a bubbly European translator emails round some photos she's taken at the restaurant.

Me: "Good ones those..."

She: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, see ?! You are actually very photogenic [smiley] I’m glad you like these pics as I actually got some comments from people who are not happy with the way they look"

Me: "ah - was thinking from a humorous perspective rather than aesthetic!"

She:"Really?! Well I think they are aesthetically good [smiley] Hehe !!"

Me: "Ha ok very kind..!"

She: "Very kind ?! Very kind ?! … I’m not being kind!!! Just objective [smiley] … 110%"

Pottiness aside, she's very sweet, if boys can use that condemnatory word. For example she couldn't understand why I was gloomy the other week (it was bog-standard black dog) so she assumed it was related to the foreign departure of my sister for the summer, something I'd briefly mentioned. I had days of concern and reassurance ("you can go and visit her soon"; "have you heard from her"; "I know what it's like being away from family" etc) and I hadn't the heart to say my sister's trip was no big deal.

I could never get seriously involved with someone so nice and uncomplicated. Give me complex AND clever AND good.

So to France tomorrow on a last minute mini-mission with chum - I can smell a particular escargot broth already.

Nigerian Lagers

Overheard in the pub:

"Can I have four Nigerian lagers and a glass of red wine ta love"

[...]

"Oi what you doing pouring Carlsberg, I said Nigerian lagers - that's Guinness, he he!"

!!

RE:FW: Help find Madeleine

thanks - i hadn't even heard about this.

yeah just thinking about it i nipped over to portugal the other day for an after-work jog in the mark warner praia de luz complex and there was this old chap with a lop-sided toupee...

i didn't think anything of it at the time but... oh. geez if you hadn't forwarded this to me!

Drink-recover; rpt x 2

Friday night's party was not a houseparty after all: just another City bar piss-up. A nice-looking girl showed affection for a while but male politics stopped play.

Saturday's innocence-restorer: making elderflower cordial from the neighbouring pub's tree.

Saturday night's party was not in Mayfair after all: it was in Chelsea. After a slow evening we repaired to one of those Braying Toff places. Very boring until a randy but hmmm lady colleague suggested we shared a taxi home. She saw the panic in my eyes and reflected that we did not actually live in the same part of London.

Sunday's innocence-restorer: Dad's Army best-of DVD. Fraser, Godfrey and Jones dying their hair black - the greatest episode?

Last night was pretty wrong too. Whom I will call Best Pal for the sake of narrative came round and we got smashed over the apparent break up of his 4-year relationship.

Next weekend is earmarked for a renewing trip to the Lake District.

Heathenry over health

Another weekend looms... Like the past few it has been earmarked for a renewing trip to the Lake District; like the past few it will inevitably fall to booze.

Friday night my flatmate's girlfriend's friend is throwing a houseparty which is being sold as ladysome.

Saturday night an office pal is hosting a cocktail party in Mayfair. Mayfair! Not my scene, but this time colleague Rhuna is bringing a friend. "Maybe she is something for you?" was the emailed suggestion...

And hill-walking: sometimes I come back all invigorated, but occasionally it makes no difference. At least the effects of disgraceful alcohol inhalation are mappable in advance - and there's no 5-hour drive.

Crap effort

IT technicienne was back in this morning. I excelled myself.

Pass 1
me: "what's wrong with it this time?"
she: "what's wrong?"
me: "er, with the computer"
she: [smiling sympathetically] "nothing's wrong, nothing at all"


Pass 2 [as she's waiting for the lift]
me: "see you next time"
she: "mm-hmm..."


Rubbish! If only i had a proper excuse to speak to her. Perhaps i shall lobby the boss for a Mac...